


Saudade

by Avid_Aviator



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: But Mostly Hurt, Clones Deal with the Aftermath, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Order 66, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and some references to Rebels, clone feels, lots of personal headcanons, very vague references but be careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avid_Aviator/pseuds/Avid_Aviator
Summary: Snapshots of various clones post!Order 66.





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@rory-the-mirdala](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40rory-the-mirdala).



> The section with the suicide reference is clearly marked.

There was something missing. It wasn’t so much that none of them could remember their past, it was the feeling that something they’d once depended on was now nowhere to be found.

It was unsettling.

The Emperor told the clones that the Jedi had erased their memories in an effort to take down the entire army and the Republic. Thankfully, the Emperor and Lord Vader had intervened before those plans could come to pass. The Jedi were traitors to the Republic. They were the ones who ruined the galaxy and caused all the fighting.

Maybe the pervading sense of loss was because of the Jedi too.

* * *

 

CC-2224 had been hauled off. The Imperial staff said he’d gone crazy. It didn’t look like any crazy the clones had seen. He didn’t start seeing or hearing things that weren’t there, and he hadn’t tried to kill anyone.

They’d all been in the mess hall, eating quietly, when he’d ‘lost his mind’. CC-2224 had frozen. He sat staring at his plate as if he’d found all the answers to every question in the galaxy hiding in his mashed tubers.

“I killed him,” he whispered, looking up. Looking lost. “I killed my general.”

The mess hall quieted as he shot to his feet.

“He wasn’t the traitor! I am.”

A few of the new security guards started to make their way over.

“He was my friend and they made me shoot him down.” His words didn’t make sense right then, but they had struck a chord in every clone who heard them. “I didn’t mean to. Sweet mercy, I didn’t mean to. But they made me! They made me, like a kriffing dejarik pawn!”

The security officers (who were not clones, _never_ clones) were getting closer. They looked angry.

“Palpatine did this.” CC-2224 looked to his brothers pleadingly. _They had to understand._ “He made-”

The security guards had reached him and cut him off with an electro-stun to the neck. They dragged him away, _to the infirmary_ the clones were assured.

But no-one ever saw CC-2224 again.

* * *

 

All the clones have strange dreams.

Because of the Jedi, they are told. Everything is the Jedi’s fault. None of the clones actually know what a Jedi is, or how it could cause so much trouble, but that was the answer they were always given when they asked.

The Jedi.

* * *

CT-7567 had been behaving oddly. It wasn’t much, wasn’t big, but he had started calling himself 'Rex’ a few days ago. He seemed sadder. Broken, but also more whole than he’d ever been. The rest of the clones didn’t know what that meant.

CT-1010 caught him sneaking out of the barracks on Serreno. He should have turned the deserter in, but the look on his brothers face stopped him. CT-7567 (Rex, he insisted) asked him to wait, hope shining in his eyes.

Ct-1010 hadn’t felt hope in a long time. Wondered what Rex had found that gave hope. He waited.

“I’m going to find the missing piece, Fox.”

“Who?”

“You. You’re Fox. You can’t remember it now. Just.. that thing that’s always been missing? You know, that sense of not-right and looking over your shoulder? I think I know what that is now, and I’m gonna make it right, vod.”

CT-1010 doesn’t say anything, but he steps out of the doorway to let Rex pass. The deserting clone starts to go, he doesn’t have much time. But he stops again, turns to look at CT-1010 (Fox?), and smiles.

“That thing that’s missing? It’s not a what. It’s a who.”

CT-1010 turns away. He doesn’t watch his brother (vod?) leave. He can’t. If he did, he might do something crazy like follow him; and his orders were to guard the door to make sure no one attacks in the night.

A good soldier always follows orders.

* * *

(References to suicide in this bit)

Most of the former 501st is gone. When they remembered Operation Knightfall, shortly after Rex left, it was game over. Some of them tried to organize a rebellion against Palpatine. They didn’t succeed. Others, remembering what Jedi were; remembering marching on the temple, on the Jedi doctors and Jedi teachers and Jedi cooks and Jedi babies-

For some, it was too much.

The ones that weren’t arrested are dead now. They were just a little too reckless in battle.

Most of them weren’t that subtle.

(A few, a lucky few, managed to leave the imperial army behind, seeking redemption. They found a fledgeling rebellion and did all they could. It was never quite enough to wash the guilt from their souls.)

* * *

Accelerated ageing is not all it’s supposed to be. There are millions of identical 18-year-olds in the Imperial Army. They look like they’re 30.

It’s starting to feel like 70.

Aching joints, deafening ears and just an all-encompassing tiredness.

CC-1004 needs glasses already. He had been transferred to janitorial services. A lot of the clones had been transferred away from fighting, their bodies deteriorating too quickly to fix. ( _They aren’t worth enough to fix_ )

It’s only been a few years since the fall of the Republic. Most of the clones can remember who and what they were Before. They don’t go back to using their names. They don’t feel as if they deserve it. They keep their numbers, keep their heads down, and they do their job.

CC-5576 can’t walk anymore, but his hands and eyes are still good so they put him to work making Imperial uniforms. He’s a good worker and very creative, soon they promote him to overseeing designs.

If all the Imperial uniforms are a bit too snug in places to be comfortable, or maybe just a stiff and scratchy material, well, they look good, so no one says anything.

* * *

And so it goes. The clones protest in various small ways. They wish they could do more, but they’re falling apart physically, and the Emperor can control their minds. This is all they have left.

A few clones are not lucky enough to be transferred away from the battle front. Some of them aren’t deteriorating so fast, and they are still in fighting condition. The last of such clones, TX-828 is still alive to see the Battle of Yavin. He is old, the last of his kind, and stationed on the newest Imperial weapon: the Death Star. He dies with it, but it isn’t a sad ending. Not for the clones. The Rebellion has a chance, now- Maybe, years and years into a future none of them will get to see, things can get better. If the Empire falls, newer, kinder leaders can rise up and make things right.

So when the Death Star is hit, and he has only seconds left to his life, TX-828 smiles.

This isn’t the end.

 

This is hope.

 

 

 

 


End file.
